No name

2003-09-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

People get on my freaking nerves. I just have not been in the mood to blog. I went out on a date. i doubt he liked me. I don't know. I just don't get dating. I am not in the mood to meet people. maybe I am just tripping. Or like Darlyne says, It may be my time of the month. I do feel kinda fat and puffy. URGH...Just the thought of my period makes me cringe. I don't want it. Wish I could get rid of it for enternity. I doubt i will marry. I doubt I will find someone that understands me. And I doubt I will have childen. let's face it...I have horrible luck in love.

I called up Glamour shots and bytched the guy in charge out. It has been a month and no photos. The "manager" found my photos and said he would mail them to me asap. Well, they had no problems taking my money. I should report them to the BB. Dumb company.

I did manage to enter the Yahoo contest. Unfortunately, I had to post a new personal on yahoo. No one will write to me. Thank gosh.I think my expectations are too high. A good thing. Because I am in no mood to talk or flirt with someone.

BAD day...yes it is...

2003-09-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

Then he was gone
I retreated
Into the darkness
Shutting others out
Waiting for the day
To see again
To love again
My friends
Were just shadows
I was alone..

Wow that is deep. I saw that somewhere and wanted to repeat it. I am at work and not feeling much like blogging. No school tonight. I am not going to class to study. I need to clean my place tonight and pay my rent. I got my check for my modeling gig and it was a nice surprise. Surprise....I am not broke. thank gosh.I finally got link to a car auction. so will be checking that out. I need to get a new car.;) A girl needs wheels;)

2003-09-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

Today i feel like blogging today. I went to class last night. i finally caught onto the math lesson. Met an old classmate Julie. I actually remember taking classes with her a few years ago. It was nice to see a familiar face. I actually enjoyed class last night and realized I can do this algebra thing. i have to. I have only a few classes left and I need to finish it.

This morning, I almost was late. I missed my normal wake up call. But managed to run to the bus ON TIME. Thank Gosh Charlie waited for me, because I was not in the mood to walk to Bart. A good thing.

I got on Bart this morning and it felt diffent. I miss Irma. She is still on vacation, but I miss our morning talks.i realize she has become a part of my life. She listens to me and gives me advice. I just miss her. Maybe I will call her sometime this weekend, or just wait until next monday.

I finally got around to applying for more promo jobs. I actually got accepted to work with Encore Nationwide. need to find 5 good photos and get them off today. Exciting!! I need to make extra money, so promos are the way to go. i am still waiting for my Nascar check;)

I feel bad. I came home last night and Bruce called me. I just have not been in the mood to write. It felt good to come home to a message, but lately, I just have not been with it. I just need to focus on me. And do things for me. I am happier though. I am single. Free and happy.

Man I got fuchin served today at work. The damn process server had the nerve to say HAVE A NICE DAY. Muther Fucher..He pissed me off. Now I am pissed. I put that bill through debtfree and now I am served. Yeah he had better run. If I were not at work, I would popped him upside his head. Geez.. People. I am so messed up with bills. I am paying everything, and it is hard. Rent, bills, rent, Bills. I don't know how I am making it. But like the picture says in the beginning, Women are strength. I have to stay strong and keep moving on. I am just going through a lot. I don't even know how I am going to make it until next month. But I am in school and have a job. God is providing for me and I am fortunate. I did get a job offer for porn.I am tempted to do it. But I know I want go there. I see why people are turning that route. MONEY..Shoot who freaking cares. i am single. I don't have to answer to anyone. May as well get some money showing that butt off....

On a good note. I passed the girlfriend test. I am a good girlfriend;) I AM GOOD...

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Until next time peace

C

2003-09-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

2003-09-02T08:29:00.000-07:00
Happy fuching labor day! My labor day weekend was kind blah blah blah. I did not do much. I cancelled my trip for a week or two. I just could not drive for some reason. I just managed to go and study. I also cleaned and played around on the computer. But for the record, I did not do anything fun. Just had time to rest and chit chat with a few people on the phone. I guess my body needed rest. I did hear from two photographers so i will be shooting with them soon. Lately, I am getting contacted by a few photographers. I need to start working on comps and getting pics printed. But all that is expensive, and I am trying to hold out until I get paid. I need to get a second job. I am going to go looking soon. But with work and school, finding the time for everything is had. Not too mention doing modeling. So much to do and so little time.

I have decided I need a sugah daddy. A rich old man. Someone to give me money and spoil me. Of course I would have to put out. And the thought makes me sick. But I guess that is the price to pay. Hell nah, i will stick to working and doing for me. Men..They come and go. Right now I am not looking anymore. Sure, i will continue to flirt at the cute guy who flirts at me. Or look, but I am not really looking anymore. The right person will come into my life when I at least expect it.

Okay today i went to safeway. The same old clerk was behind the cashier. I used to work at safeway and she still is there. The one that pretends to know everything. She still has the same attitude. The one that thinks she is all that. She puts on her fake smile and pretends to be nice to me. Then when I pick up the latest "latina" magazine she says, "WOW wouldn't you love to be her. Then she picks up the magazine and shows the two guys in the next checkout what a babe the cover model is. One guy says, ' I am actually happy with my wife, she is my cover model." SLAM!! I wanted to go and hug the guy. Buy him coffee and say DAMN Your the shit. But I didn't. Instead I just walked out the store. The funny thing is that model ont he cover had probably three makeup assistants, a professional hair stylist, tons of people getting her ready for the shoot. AND a slamming photographer. I would like to see her BEFORE the shoot. I bet she looks like you and me.

But people like that irks me...

Anyways, I will try and have a good day..I promise

2003-08-27T13:06:00.000-07:00
Well it looks like I got a promo job on the 5th with Porsche. WOOHOO. I worked the nascar and now porsche. I will have to tell you all about it. But for now keeping up with school, my website and life. I finally got around to registering www.cathrynmichael.net. So now I am operating two sites. Go cat!! Between working on the sites, modeling,s chool and work, that is all I have time to do. I am not on yahoo msn anymore. So hit me an email if you want to chat.

I AM IN LOVE...I am in love..Damn..I am in love. I saw the most gorgeous man alive today. Well almost. He was spanish. He sat next to Irma on the train and looked at me. Those eyes..They were brown and so worth looking at the entire time i was on the train. Then he gets off and says, "You look lovely today." Damn.. I got so shy. Shy..and then he winked. He stared. But I know I will see him again.

But anyways, i met mark finally. I was talking to three marks. LOL. Mark 3 lives in concord. He is cute. funny. Sweet. Kind. He is probably reading this blog, so I had better be nice. HAHAHA. We had fun the other nite. We went out and he was a gentleman. CATHRYN was a bad girl. That is all I am saying, but sometimes BAD is good;) HAHAHA..

Mark-you are a dork!! Meet me behind the bathroom after class...:)

C

2003-08-25T12:41:00.000-07:00
Well it is another day. Monday. I hate Monday's. I was a little late to get to work today, but I still made it. Again, I hate Monday's. Busy weekend though. I shot with three photographers and can't wait to see the results from the shoots. I hope I get a few decent pics. I worked with JRG Imaging yesterday in San jose. he sent me 3 really nice pics. They are cute and casual. But I am looking forward to seeing the images from mY friday and saturday shoot;)

[IMG]http://www.CathrynMichael.com/imodel/aaapost/1373thumb.jpg[/IMG]
JRGImaging 2003, San Jose, CA

Dates..I had a date on Saturday nite. He was really nice. We went to this restaurant in Walnut Creek. Italian. I ate a salad. But it was good. Then I went home and relaxed. I was a bit tired. Sacramento is a long commute! I am actually chatting with this guy that is local. He sounds nice. But we will see. I am not going to really waste my time anymore. And now I am a little too picky.

But anyways, I need a car. I have to get one. I had so much cruising around town in the little rent a car. I rented a bad azz Suzuki. It was tight and the men. Let me tell you this, There are tons of men out there. You just have to flirt and use your assets..LOL. I am sounding bad. But there are.

Cathryn Is back.

Anyways, I am off of here. Need to study and do my work:)

Hugs

Cathryn

2003-08-19T19:48:00.000-07:00
I just came home from a LONG day at work. I just got a call about my shoot for Friday. I am looking forward to it.I need to go and make sure I booked my h air and makeup appt. I hope the photos come out okay. I just need to start working out and focusing on school. Yes, I am in school. Hard for me to write that I am in school.I am going to take a break and back to reading Math problems and work. Need to finish a few things, because next monday will be here soon.

Men..I don't think I can ever trust another man. I don't like men right now. i don't know who is for real and who is fake. Personally, I would rather just stay solo. I thought I wanted to be with someone, but after meeting Eric, I realize that I should just be a player or a bytch. I am tired of being nice and being treated like shyt. I am tired of helping people. I am tired of going out of my way to treat others nice. And what does that get me. Absolutely nothing. Take my sister Danielle. She is the rudest person, but she always gets things. And frankly, I think I need to be rude now. I am starting to see reality now.

I will never again help people, unless, they are people that I know. I think being a player is a lot better than finding one person. HIT and leave. Guys do it, why can't we?

Maybe I am tired. But guys don't like nice women. They all want women that are rude and don't give a shyt.

2003-08-19T12:26:00.000-07:00
I have the perfect answer for everything SEX

I just need to finally have hot steamy sex. No strings attached

SEX...I should go back to being a naughty girl. Nah, i will be good

BUT SEX cures everything..hahaha;)

2003-08-19T05:19:00.000-07:00
I am tired. Yesterday was my first day of school. Yes school. I am back in school. I went to my first class. Math 110: College Algebra. I spoke with a counselor and he said this: "Good news, You only have four classes that you really need." The bad news is they are math and science, but I am now focused. I am exhausted though, since I got home at 10pm. But it is only for a few months. I can handle it.

It was pretty neat going back to school. I met a few nice people. We exchanged numbers, so now we have our "official buddies" for homework and things.

I came home from school last night and Chris had left a message. His message was so sweet. We might be going out sometime this week. Not sure, but we are going out. He seems nice. But you know men. They all are nice in the beginning. The key is to get to know them. And see what happens. Anyways, I need to get ready for work. Another day. Fortunately, I am not working Friday. I have a shoot with DB brent in pittsburg. I think I am cancelling my shoot on Saturday and just going to san Jose to work with Jr Imaging. I am exciting about the shoots. Cathryn is back. My super attitude is back. HEHEHE..a good thing;)

2003-08-17T07:49:00.000-07:00
Artist: Hillary Duff
Album: Metamorphosis
Song: So Yesterday

Lyrics :

(So yesterday)
(So yesterday)
(So yesterday)

You can change your life
(if you wanna)
You can change your clothes
(if you wanna)
If can change your mind
Well that's the way it goes

But I'm gonna keep your jeans
And your old black hat
('Cuz I wanna)
They look good on me
You're never gonna get them back

At least not today
Not today
Not today, 'cuz

If it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
Thats already flown away
Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be ok

Ha!
Okay

You can say you're bored
(If you wanna)
You could act real tough
(If you wanna)
You could say you're torn
But I've heard enough

Thank you
You've made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
You won't see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here

At least not today
Not today
Not today, 'cuz

If it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
Thats already flown away
Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be ok

If you're over me
I'm already over you
If it's all been done
What is left to do
How can you hang up
If the line is dead
If you wanna walk out
I'm a step ahead
If you're moving on
I'm already gone
If the light is off
Then it isn't on

At least not today
Not today
Not today, 'cuz

If it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
Thats already flown away
Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard you're so (yesterday)

If it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
Thats already flown away
Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be ok

I have to buy this CD. The video is so cute. So yesterday. I need to go to the music store soon. Have not been online much. A good thing. School starts monday, so need to pay for my classes and get that straighten. Looks like I am going to school. Thank gosh. I saw the movie, "Uptown Girls." The movie is really good. It reminded me. I am going back to school and keep doing modeling. You have to just smile and move. So yesterday...So yesterday;)

Off for now..

Bye bye

Cathryn

2003-08-14T05:35:00.000-07:00
I am a single. I am back on the market. I don't need to waste my time with a man that can't commit. I have learned. It want work. You have to let go. You have to tell your side of the story and be prepared to move on. So I am on a few personals and I am not afraid to go up to a cute guy that I see. I am opening my eyes and really looking around. I was walking around with them half closed. I realize a lot of things. I don't need a man. Sure it is nice. But I don't need one. I am not going to quit the net. If I meet someone on the net I do. THe key is balance your life. Don't run from it. Sure you can't spend all your time on the net, but I have met some great friends.

I have friends outside who I am turning to. We are going out. I went out last night and I felt good. Went to starbucks, but had fun.I laughed. I smiled and I had fun. It was a hot night and I enjoyed the evening. I am back on the market. And it feels good. There are plenty of men out there. So the key is date..date as many people out there. Keep dating, until you find the one for you. Don't give up hope. You can find yourself while being single.

I learned that.

I loved coming home yesterday, cleaning and picking up my place. I loved turning on the radio and singing. I loved going to the neighbors and saying hi to their kids.I loved talking to my land lord and just doing things by myself. I admit I miss talking to ERIC, but you know, all I wanted was a chance to express my self. And I realized things..I HAVE ME.

I am going to keep doing my goals. Have to keep shooting. Get my photos together and get represented. That is my goal. I have to go out and start living. I will be on the net. I will always be on the net, but I am going out. I am going out on the weekends and having fun.

I feel good..

Well, I got a letter from Robert at silicon matchmaker. He wrote me. Doesn't he know, I went out with him. He writes about exchanging numbers. Been there and done that.
Robert: Dear Robert, I see your photos and profile are still on matchmaker. How long have you been online at matchmaker? You still are trying to find someone that can understand you or put up with your behavior. Let's cut the crap Robert. Reality? You are old. You are not getting any younger. You come on matchmaker to prey on innocent "newbies." You act like you care for awhile. Then you meet the person. Your arrogant. You show your colors on the first date. You only want a one night stand, on your terms. You want to play with women's emotions and then move on. You don't know what you want. You say you want a long distant relationship, but your scared. You don't know the real meaning of one. Maybe I am wrong, every man learns. But you are what, almost 40 and have you learned? I don't think so. You will continue to be on matchmaker. Your a coward. Your scared to love one woman. You feel you can hide behind matchmaker and not go out in the real world. You talk about how much you have, but possessions mean nothing. Even in your essay you say you hate women that are after you for money. Well, don't flaunt it. My advice is to get professional counseling and get off the net. Find someone and give your heart to them. Maybe you will be lucky. Maybe you might turn out right.

But that is my opinion. Now do you know who this person is. Words of advice? GROW UP!!

Damn, that felt good.

Move on..Move on...

My response:

2003-08-13T16:04:00.000-07:00
I heard from Eric today, after I called him. Basically he wants to find himself and I want a relationship. No biggie. At least we are friends. I would rather be his friend, then lose his friendship. No biggie. The right man is out there. I am not giving up on finding Mr. Right. I am at a place in my life, where I want a commitment. I want to be married and I want children. I want to meet someone and DATE. There is no way I can date someone that is long distant. Communication is very hard and if you don't have that, than you don't have a relationship. I am glad that I am going out. I have plans to go out this weekend. Get dressed up and have fun. I am also going to the movies and need to see some new shows. The right man is out there for me and I will meet him. it is all about timing.

So I am sitting at work. I am just thinking about everything. Tonight I am going home and cleaning my house. I am going to start decorating. I need curtains and things. I need to get a second job and start saving more. I need to start enjoying the evenings. And get some work done. My instant mess. want work anymore. I called Astound and they told me it want work, because of their system and yahoos. So no more im. I want even think about going to msn.

I am going to log off,

Good nite

Cathryn

2003-08-13T09:47:00.000-07:00
It is hump day. Wednesday. Only two more days until the weekend. That reminds me I need to make my hair and nail appt for this weekend. I hope sandra is available, because she does to good work.

I feel much better. I am back at work. i am so glad that I started this blog. It is my place. My place to vent and express my views and ideas. I met a cool chick on the bus. Actually, we talk all the time. She just recently broke up with her boyfriend so we are going to hang out this weekend. I really want to hit the movies again. Uptown Girls starts this Friday. I even want to see that new Jason and Freddie movie. I don't like scary movies normally, but a good scare would be good;)

I just checked my message board on this site. What a cute site Ali? I agree with you 100%. Hope all is going well;)

As for Eric, I talked with him this morning. I love him. I really do. I am glad we are at least talking. The problem with me is I have to communicate. I have to tell others and let people in. I love him.I do. I just can't lose him.

Well, i am at work. I need to get busy and do somethings.

Have a great day,

Just I

2003-08-12T07:01:00.000-07:00
I know I need to finish this blogger. I just can't get my design together. I should have it up in time for the release of Uptown Girls in theatres, which is friday. Who am I fooling? I am hurt. Damn right I am hurt. I can't eat, i can't sleep..I can't even concentrate. I can try to act like nothing can affect me. I am good at that. In the past when something did not work out, I just blocked the person out of my mind and moved on. But that is life. I am at home. I can't work today. I don't feel like doing things that I normally do. Thank gosh for friends. That is all I have to say. Thank you for the support, the love and thank you for being there. Thank you Geri and barbara for being there. I love you both. I just wish that I could move on, but I can't. I finally confided in someone and that person hurt me. I can't even explain it, because it feels wierd. Like someone can walk away. Stop communicating at least pick up the phone and be a man. I don't understand it. I should of listened to people. The internet is full of bs. I totally agree. Right now I think it is better to just forget. Move on and disappear and do my thing.

Easy said that done....Right?

Thank you micamaraweb for our talk together. You are a awesome person. I hope that she realizes what she has lost.;)

2003-08-11T16:02:00.000-07:00
I finally made my appt at the hair stylist on Saturday. I got my hair done. I have always wanted to be an "angel." So I got it styled. Here is the photo for you all to see;)

This past weekend, i went to see the movie " Freaky Friday." Basically the movie was about A tomboy teenage girl, Annabel (Lohan), and her widowed mother, Ellen (Curtis), who are always arguing with each other, simultaneously wish they could be someone else, they somehow exchange bodies, as they both learn (or in the mother's case, remembers) what it's like to be in the other person's situation. As nice as that might be, the duo faces a deadline, as the mother is due to get married soon, and doesn't want to miss the big event (obviously) or for her daughter to get to know her new stepfather (Harmon) a *lot* better than she had expected... There's also the problem of Annabel finding herself stuck with her mom's job as a medical doctor (but without any of the training to back it up)!

It was so cute;) Chad Michael Murray (he has my name and intials..last two names are the same). Anyhow, I would go and check it out.

C

2003-08-11T05:36:00.000-07:00
This past weekend, I learned a lot. I turned to my true friends and realized that I have wonderful people in my life. I learned that I don't need anyone, but need Myself and those people in my life. I want to thank my dear friends Darlyne. Bill, Mike, and even Bob. Even Chimon shocked me the way he posted a comment in a group I started. I always thought Chimon was so wrapped up in his sites to even notice, but he sent a message that made me think. I am so glad that I went out this weekend. I learned that this is a huge world. A big world. We can change things, sometimes someone does something that makes us wake up and realize, I did not need that person in my life.

So Eric is history. The guy is nothing more than a coward. A person that can come into someone's life and just disappear. And hide. Hide and not even confront the person. But I know in my heart, that one day it will all backfire. I believe in Karma. It has happened to me and it will happen to him. When you do something to someone by simply not comforting someone, it all backfires. Let me tell you a story. I met someone before. I used to run from love. I met another guy. I was with someone. He was kind, sweet and could be there for me both emotional and physically. The guy was really sweet, but I wanted to be with another. The thing never worked out and i ruined what I had with someone else. I will always wonder..what if? What if I had given that other guy a chance. But I paid dearly and you know something, Karma comes back.

I don't think I can trust a man for awhile. A guy can say anything. I am glad that I don't need sex in a relationship. Sure it is important, but I want more. I want to be married, have children. I want a family. I want all that, but that comes in time. I am glad that I met Eric, because it made me realize I deserve better. I deserve a man to treat me like a princess, that is not like Eric. Eric is someone that is a hyprocrite. He needs to maybe go to church and read the bible, instead of sending some corny bible versions. Which I doubt he read them. Because some of them really help one another.

I am so glad I have blogger, because my life is now an open book. I needed a place to share my thoughts, because I have so much now bottled up. I need to get ready for work, But i want to tell the world this...Love yourself...

Just I

2003-08-09T04:49:00.000-07:00
It is Saturday (early) morning and I can't really sleep anymore. I decided to blog and just think about everything. I just went to yahoo and had the sweetest messages from my guy friends. Mike, Bob and the gang are so sweet. I did not realize that I meant that much to them. I am glad that Eric turned out to be a major shit head. It is like he can't really tell the truth and just walk away. I should of listened to my feeling. Long distant things don't work. And most of the guys online are just liars and playing with women. I am not even concerned. The right man will find me, when I at least expect it. Thank gosh I am going back to school. I am looking forward to taking classes.

Yesterday, Two guys approached me already. Actually tons of guys always smile and flirt daily. I just ignore it. I think My friend Irma made me realize that. I am going to work out with a few buddies today. We are heading to the city. I realize that everyone needs friends, so I called a few of my friends, that I have not seen, and we are doing a girl thing on Sunday. The right guy is locally and he is out there. I know of it. I am not going to be like every other female that says, " I am not going to date again.." HELL nah, the right one is out there and like a wise person once says, " One monkey don't stop no show.." You will find one man that is available, who is stable, emotional and ready for a commitment. Just date around and DATE lots.

The cool thing is it was all an internet thing, so I can cut the computer off and move away. That is a good thing. Nothing lost..and I learned something. I am ME, and if someone does not like ME for ME, they can leave my world. Simple right..

Well, I am doing good. I am going back to bed, but thank you blogger for being a place, where I can communicate. You will be hearing from me a lot lately, I already met some cool people on blogger;) This is the forum that I needed.

Love always.

Cathryn

2003-08-08T12:23:00.000-07:00
I am a lemonhead!

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com

Today I checked my email and this is what I found. WOW...not every day I get something like this. He obviously sends this to every model on the net, but still it made me smile;)

Contact from www.CathrynMichael.com 08/08/2003 John Clark
planar@yahoo.com Beauty, I was moving through web check various models
sites. I came across yours. I have to say you re a very beautiful
woman. I bet men flock to you like bees on honey. I wonder why it is that
ladies of your beauty and obvious class dont get picked up by these big
time agents. If I were guessing your using an agent that isnt pushing
you hard enough. Maybe you should light a fire under his/ her buttock. I
mean look at the ladies out there today, I mean the up and coming
ones.do you compare? Sure you do, I would say even more beautiful. I can see
you in print, sitting there with JD Black old #7 in you hand, classy
dress, black with lots of diamonds on, ears, wrist, neck and fingers. Or
in the opening shot of James Bond 007 "The Plot Of The Golden Goose"
running down a dark street, your high heels flashing from the new fallen
rain any way you get it huh. I do think you're the most beautiful woman
alive today, and Im hoping to talk you into sending me an autographed
photo. I really would treasure it, hang it high on my wall, above all
others, but low enough to drool. Ok, I won't drool, but I will remove it
often to look at it and think to myself, I knew her when. So Goddess
of Beauty, whatca think? Please!!

Huggz,

John

2003-08-08T09:44:00.000-07:00
Well it looks like it is just "me." Thank gosh I have myself. I don't really need anyone in my life. Sure, it is nice to have a "special someone," but it seems I can't find one that will stick around. How hard is it to find a reliable man? My friend Irma said I should put up a bullentin board on the bay bridge. " One single attractive man, Not into games, Must want to have a family, and will treat me like a princess." Or better yet, " NO GAMES, Sincere Guy looking for someone for a commitment."

One of my wise friends wrote this. I think I understand.

Date: Fri, 8 Aug 2003 09:01:15 -0700

Hello Cathryn
You are the only person I can count on. You are the only person who ever returns my emails promptly. Hope I can always count on you.
Yes, men are different. When a woman tells a man she loves or likes him, that is good for several years. Women need to be reassured every 2.3 milliseconds. Why God made women that way is his little prank. Come to think of it maybe God is a woman, that would explain a lot.
I had my first nibble in 20 years, if you do not count my X. Looked like I found a kindred spirit, she was coming over to my house this weekend with her two children. She sent me email Monday night about the time I went to bed, found the email when I check about 5:15 AM. Answered her immediately.
No good enough for her, she called the whole deal off because I didn't get back to her the same night.
I don't get women. Maybe we should get together and takes swings at each and get our frustration out. No not a good idea, I think you could pound me black and blue, never figured out a safe place to hit a woman.
Love Always
M

Anyways enough about that, I am going back to school. I am so excited about that. New schedule and new people to meet. I am actually looking forward to it. Then there is my modeling. I have a job that I am being considered and a casting to attend in the city next week. I have two photo shoots this month and a few in September, so I am looking forward to that. All I can do is MOVE forward. Surround myself with positive people and be the best that I can be.

If some guy does not want me, THEN frankly my dear, I don't give a darn. Things are changing. I am changing and I will never again hold things in, because life is too short. If I feel something that needs to be said, i will speak my mind.

Cathryn

www.CathrynMichael.com

2003-08-07T13:16:00.000-07:00

Another Day. Thank gosh it is almost the weekend. I am sitting at my desk at work just bored out of my mind. I AM BORED! The phones are pretty quiet, maybe it is because it is lunch here in the city. My relief Peaches (long story on how he got the name) decided to go home early today. I have not been to lunch, nor had a break. Maybe I will head downstairs if I can find someone to cover for me here.

Last night, I ran into an old friend. She was riding home from the city. She too works in San Francisco. I went to school with karen. Karen is really beautiful. She has always been beautiful. Smart, funny, and has a way cool attitude. Karen is now married. She is 26 years old and married to this incredible hot guy. And from the picture, they make such a great couple. **sigh**. The first thing she said was, " Are you married? Have you met the right one?" I really did not answer. I just thought about my own love life. Will I ever meet the right one? It seems everyone has met the right one...and I am just the last one who has not found the one that wants to be with me.

I miss ERIC. I miss him..I miss him. I hope he is the right one though. I love him. I just got an email from him. ERIC WROTE ME;) Now I am in a better mood;) It is almost time to head home, BUT I LOVE ERIC. I LOVE ERIC:)

Anyways....It was nice seeing Karen again. I think we may do lunch in the city, but not sure. It would be nice to catch up, but we both are different people. I will have to tell you guys how it goes.

Well. That is it. I am pretty much done talking about things.

Hugs
Cathryn

PS Don't mind me, this is my journal. This is my place where I can rant and say anything. My private life...My so called world....

www.CathrynMichael.com

2003-08-06T10:35:00.000-07:00
People..

People always seem to amaze me. Take this morning for instance. I am waiting for the bus. I am surrounded by my "Bus buddies." So i am not alone. Then all of a sudden the bus appears. It is not our usual "friendly" driver, but a replacement. Ozzie, that is his name. Two finger ozzie. He always puts up two fingers and clutters the bus with plastic bags. He is unusual. He greets all the passengers and then scolds me for not having my bills straight. The other driver is pretty cool, But Ozzie is a "drama queen." But wait a minute, can a guy be a drama queen? Well in Ozzie's case, they can.

So anyways, He tells me not to have the dollar bills folded. Then he makes this BIG situation with the doors. And ontop of it all, he does not even stop at the bus stop. His reasoning, He would rather the bus stop in the middle of the street, then try to go up closer to the stop. Personally, I think he is not good at parallel parking. If he were graded, he would get an F for effort.

But why am I so harsh this morning? Maybe it is me. I did wake up in a bad mood. I did not want to go to work today. I guess we all have those days. But today my bed was calling.

After this morning episode, I finally saw Irma. We both talked and rode into the city. Thank gosh for her, because I started to smile.. AND THEN....I had problems getting out of the montgomery station. The agent was just plain rude. It is not my problem my ticket would not work. I am not sure if you know about BART, but if you live in the SF bay area, often the ticket machines break down. It is possible that your ticket gets rude. Anyways, she yelled at me and said I was in the wrong. I held it in. Smiled and said, "god bless you.." That is all I could say.

My opinion: BART really needs to teach customer service training to all their employees. What about customers being right? They obviouosly are lacking good customer service skills..urgh...

Cathryn

www.CathrynMichael.com

2003-08-05T11:31:00.000-07:00
Relationships..Being Single..Relationships..Being with the one

Most of you know that Eric is away. At least I told a few people. He is with his family in Indiana and then off to some meeting in DC. The last couple of days, I thought about a lot of things. Do I like being single? Sure being single does have some advantages. I admit, It was so nice to just cook and relax. Clean and head out to a few stores. I even saw. "American Wedding" this past weekend. And I took myself. And did not have to answer to anyone.

But then there is a part of single life that sucks. BEING ALONE. Realizing that you don't have a special someone to come home to. NOt having anyone to say that you "love them." Or just having someone to talk to.

Even though Eric is far away, I missed him. I admit, I was glad to do things alone, but I missed our late nite conversations. I missed the endless emails. I missed the notes. I did however get a wonderful card i the mail, but it was not the same.

I admit, I AM IN LOVE. I love Eric. I am not afraid to admit it. I might be a fool. He might be playing, but so could I.

I am pretty much tired of the games of dating. IF YOU LOVE someone, TELL THEM. That reminds me of that movie, "Two Can Play That Game." Vivica Fox played the lead role. She should of been ashamed of herself. Playing all those games at her age. NO, I would rather be single, then stoop to those games.

Maybe that is why I was hurt before. Because I wear my heart on my sleeve.

i guess I will hope for the best with My relationship with Eric. Time will tell..it always does.

Have to run to lunch:0)

Cathryn

www.CathrynMichael.com

2003-08-05T08:34:00.000-07:00
Good morning. I guess I have had a good morning. I really don't understand people. Get this. I get up. I get ready for another "normal" day at the office. I board the 105 bus that will take me to Bart (Bart is the sf bay area's answer to the NY's subway system). It is nice. But anyways, back to the bus thing. I get on the bus. I put in my fare. Exact fare, thanks to my regular bus "buddy." Yes I have bus buddies. I pride myself in having them. I don't know how I would make it day to day, without having them.

But anyways, I sit down at the first available seat. The bus takes off. Next stop. My friend Irma Santana gets on the bus. She is actually related to the Singer Santana. Geez, I never even heard of the guy. But I guess he is this famous latin musician and singer. Of course, I know now. So she gets on. She is still half asleep (which is typical for Irma). Enough about her.

The next stop. She gets on. She always has the coolest wardrobe on. She never smiles, when I say hi. She always walks on Like she is possibly too cool to talk to me. She is older, and thinks she is Miss Thing. But yet, she talks to other passengers, but ignores me and Irma. Every morning, I try to smile. But she dismisses me. What is the problem? Am I not worthy of her friendship. I have noticed a lot of women are just 'plain rude'. I really feel sorry for men that try to talk to these women.

Geez, She ain't cool. That behavior always makes me chuckle.

Another scenario THE NET. Why is it all these "so called" beautiful and successful models spend so much time on the net. They have all these little fan clubs and pay sites. When people try to befriend them, you are either Cool or not so cool. Oh yeah, and I want even go there about trying to compliment them. Don't bother. It is a waste of time. Most of them are so wrapped up in their little net lives. I admit I started to think "i was so cool too." I had my own yahoo group (thank gosh I got some common sense and started a blogger) too. I have my website (yippee!!), but thing is I am not really interested too much at what people think of me, especially on the net. For the most part, it is all BS. Enough said. Let me take my little butt of the net and find something worthwhile to do. But of course, I will stay at Blogger, so I can talk and communicate about my day to day life.

Let's talk about people. I can't stand those guys that try to hit on everything that walks. You know the guys with the bad breath. The bad BO. The ones that think they are Mr Suave. They come up to you and say something like this, " Geez, you must be a model, because you are simply the best looking chick in the place." Oh please. I don't think so. Then if one women turns them down, they go and find another. WOW, I feel special. My advice, don't try so hard and get a hobby. AND LEAVE ME ALONE, especially on Bart.

Now I am at work. Need to go, but be back later.

Cathryn

www.CathrynMichael.com

2003-08-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

www.CathrynMichael.com

I am so glad that I am getting back into shape. I actually got my butt outside and hit the gym. No more excuses! That is my new slogan. NO MORE EXCUSES! Maybe that is why i am also enrolled in college. I need to start finishing things and get things moving in the right direction.

I feel more energized!

Eric was gone for a bit. I still have not heard from him, but he said he would call on Wednesday. He is in Indiana, then off to DC for a meeting. I did receive a wonderful card from him.

But I MISS HIM. Everyone is telling me that long distant relationships do not work. It is hard. But right now I am just praying that if is meant to work out, it will. If it is not, it want. That is all you can do. Trying is a lot better than actually not trying.

I am hungry. It is break time, and need to get away from the desk.

~*~C